The Blessings of an Adopted Child...
By Ray Mack Thompson
(NOTE: Over the years after this original story was posted to the web, it has evolved into finding and being accepted into the families of both my birth mother and my birth father, compounding the original “blessings” many fold! I’ve now produced a 50 minute video of the story. I’ve also written and published a 44 page booklet (illustrated and in color) which provides more details than the video. If you are interested in either of these, please contact me through the Contact Page.
If not as children, at least as adults, adopted children learn that our births may have been a time of great stress in the lives of our birthparents. The first blessing of an adopted child is that adoption often shields us from this pain and anguish. This blessing turns out to be a very important one for me...
Deciding to search...
As an adopted child, I’ve always been very thankful for my adoptive parents, Neil and Zorene Thompson, but of course there has always been some wondering about my birthmother. I have her name—Ida E. Montgomery—and age at my birth (31 years) from my birth certificate. The name she gave me—Durwood Montgomery—is also on my birth certificate. However, I didn’t seriously search for her until I was in my 70’s, when I began to search on the Internet. I soon discovered that there are literally thousands of “Montgomery’s” and hundreds of “Ida’s” listed! My first break through was in finding an “Ida” who was a close match to my Ida’s name and age. With this match came a list of parents and siblings of a family whose life was centered in Mills County, Texas. However, the Internet also revealed that Ida and her siblings were probably deceased; Ida died in 1985 at age 87. I continued my search, trying to make contact with a living descendant of this family—someone who might know of my birth...
Help in searching...
A second blessing is having someone to help you search, and to share your doubts, frustrations, discouragements—and successes. This blessing came to me from many sources...
First, there is a group of adopted children (and birthmothers) on the Internet that I helped to organize, and that I have come to love as part of my family. Our special bond is that we were all adopted from the West Texas Children’s Aide and Welfare Association in Abilene, Texas (WTCAWA). [The interesting story of this group is too long to tell here, but you can look us up on the Internet: West Texas Children’s Aide Society - Abilene Texas ]
One of my WTCAWA family, Jo Hagins, is an expert in knowing how to use the internet to search for family histories. Jo first guided me to find Ida’s family, and then to the records of the Mills County Historical Society in Goldthwaite, Texas, also posted on the internet: Mills County Historical Society Their dedicated members provided my second break through. Communicating with me by e-mail, they searched their records for the Montgomery family that I thought might be my birth family. What they found was a brief history of Ida’s family, which closely matched the one I had found on the internet—including a group picture from a family reunion! Even more important, the writeup included the name of the person who had submitted it to the society, one Ruby Johnson. Perhaps Ruby would be my link to a living descendant of the Montgomery family! I wrote to Ruby, but my hopes were dashed when my letter was returned; I also tried to reach her by phone; I feared she to was deceased. (But she wasn’t!)
A longtime personal friend provided the next break through, by forging the final link to a living descendant of Ida’s family; his name is Foye Davis. Foye and I met while serving in the United States Air Force Security Service in the early 50’s. We came home from the military and attended engineering school together at Texas Tech in Lubbock, Texas. We’ve kept in touch down through the years, corresponding regularly by e-mail. A a reunion of our USAF veterans in Washington DC, I told Foye of the search for my Montgomery family.
Foye grew up and now lives near Burnet, Texas, not far from Mills County. He knows A.W. and Ester Warden. This couple knows everybody and everything that goes on in the area! One day, in an almost unbelievable serendipity, Foye casually asked them, “Do you know any Montgomery’s from Mills County?” A.W. said, “Well, I’m going to Goldthwaite tomorrow and I’ll check around.”
My search is finally rewarded...
With some inquiries, A.W. found the only living sibling of my birthmother! Her name was Ora Belle [Montgomery] Jones, and she was living in a nursing home in Goldthwaite; Ora Belle is 92. I immediately called the nursing home and talked to the manager, explaining my search. He was very nice, but said, “Ray, he is not able to remember things these days and wouldn’t be able to help you.” My hopes dashes once again, I asked him if there was anyone that came to see her. He said. “Yes, Ora Belle’s has a niece who comes, and I have her phone number. I will relay your inquiry to her and she can call you if she wishes to.” I was not too hopeful, but in a couple of days Ruby [Tidwell] Johnson called! Yes!—she is the same Ruby Johnson who wrote the article for the historical society! She was not dead after all, and she is a Montgomery! Ruby’s grandmother, Ruby Dortha Hill, married Ida’s brother, Emery Lloyd Montgomery (both deceased). Ruby and her husband Dennis live in Cleburne, Texas. Ruby was very friendly and interested in my search, but knew nothing about my birth. However, she said she would ask another family member who she thought had some geneology records of the family
Here is the information about my birth family that Ruby reported to the Mills County Historical Society:
Joseph Caldonia (Callie) DENNING and John Thomas MONTGOMERY had 12 children. John Thomas died in 1921, only a few months after their youngest child was born. Their homestead and family reunions were in Mills County, Texas in and around Goldthwaite, TX.
1. George Thomas Montgomery married Lena Belle Wheat
2. Jesse Clyde Montgomery married Ora Estelle Wicker
3. Ofton Denning Montgomery married ?
4. Ida Elizabeth Montgomery (never married)
5. John Bascom Montgomery married Jewel Elder
6. Emery Lloyd Montgomery married Ruby Dortha Hill
7. Susan Caldonia Montgomery married William Lesley Stephens
8. Maude Montgomery married Townsend Chester
9. John "Jack" Thomas Montgomery married Bernice Perry
10. Vida Montgomery married Bernard Perry
11. Ora Belle Montgomery married Nolan Jones
12. Hulon H. Montgomery married Billie Jean Smith
A day or two later Ruby called a second time and told me that another family member knew about my birth! However, this relative said that the event brought back some memories and emotions that she felt she could not share over the phone. She asked that I write to her instead, which of course I was delighted to do...
The first revelations about my birth...
A third blessing is to be successful in finding your birthmother, or at least in finding someone who can tell you something about your birth... Sometimes revealing this information takes great courage, as you will see...
About two weeks after I wrote my letter, I had a phone call from Allene [Stevens] Melcher. Allene is the daughter of Susie Montgomery and William Leslie Stevens (both deceased). Susie and Ida were sisters! Allene and her husband, Frank, have lived in several small towns in the Panhandle of Texas. Allene has a sister Billie and a brother Doug living California; a second sister, Dixie is deceased. Allene was living with a reoccurrence of cancer...
I wrote to Allene, telling briefly about my adoption, my parents, and my life of 70 years. Then, I waited—and prayed—that I would hear from Allene. One day the phone rang, and a woman began speaking in a very low voice; it was Allene. I could barely hear her, but told myself not to talk or question but just to listen...
Allene told me that in the late 20’s her aunt Ida’s health was very bad because of asthma. So, Ida came to live with her sister Susie on the dry South Plains of Texas. One weekend, Susie and her children were out of town but Ida stayed at home... That weekend I was conceived— William Lesley Stevens, Allene’s father, is also my father.... We both began to cry; Allene said, “Ray, I guess I’ve been waiting all my life to tell you this.”
I tried to take notes as Ida revealed some details of this family secret. She told me that Ida went to Abilene to live and I was born there, as recorded on my birth certificate. Allene said that, of course, this terrible act on the part of her dad was very hard on her mother and their family. But, Susie had three very young daughters to care for and felt she could not leave her husband. Allene said that eventually Susie and her children forgave him. Their fourth child, Doug, was born ten years after my birth. Allene said she loved her dad very much, but he had a hard time making a good living for his family farming; as the kids grew up, they were eager to leave home. Both of Allene’s parents are deceased. Amazingly, they lived in the Dallas area for many years and both are buried at Restland Cemetery, very near where I have lived for 50 years, and now where my Avalyn is buried...! Also, Allene’s parents were members of the Church of Christ, as were my adoptive family.
Allene also told me a number of things about my mother, her “Aunt Ida.” She said that she was a “baby nurse” and that she worked all over West Texas for hospitals, doctors, lawyers and various families. (A Doctor Williams in Post was one name she remembered.) Although Ida never married, Allene said that she did have a steady boy friend, “Jimmy,” for almost 40 years, and that she knew that they lived together for a while. (When shots for asthma were first being given, Jimmy brought Ida to Dallas to get the shots. Allene said that as Ida got older she gradually overcame her asthma.) Allene didn’t know why they never married, but undoubtedly it had a lot to do with my conception and birth...
A fourth blessing is to have a family to share your birth story with—a mix of sadness and joy and a most unique and personal experience. Both of my adoptive parents are deceased, but I’m certain they are happy for me. I can certainly count on my wife Avalyn, my adopted sister Barbara, my wider adoptive family, and many close friends for this! And of course, I hope Ida would be pleased that I’ve found her family. It also gives me special pleasure to share this story with those who helped and supported me as I searched—thank you from the bottom of my heart! I’m certain God decided the time, the path and the people to help me find Ida—all of the “Blessings of An Adopted Child” come from Him!
Ray Mack Thompson
12/3/2002 – V11
P.S. 12/4/2002: I received a surprise phone call from California from Doug Stevens, who said, “Hi, I guess you are my half brother!”